Clothing store girl.

I ran into you today, I was definitely not ready for that. We made small talk as if we were strangers; forced to say some words that we would probably forget the next day. I know I won't forget because you've been on my mind lately. I wanted so bad to know what's been going on in your busy life, how you're feeling, and what new and exciting things you've done in the months i haven't seen you. I felt like an insignificant person to you today. I wish. I secretly wish you cared to know how I've been. Just because a person asks how you're doing doesn't always mean they say it to really know what's been going on in your broken little life, but because it's usually something polite to ask when you haven't seen someone in awhile. That's how it was today, and organized, timed, meaningless array of questions. I'm sad i mean nothing to you now. I was someone you once loved so much. I'm not angry that you don't love me anymore, all I ask is that you care for me still. That's all.

Seasons have changed.

What happened to you? I ask myself why people change. Some of the people who used to be so important to me changed in a bad way. I'm not sure I like you the way I used to. You're different, I don't like it. I guess I can't be angry because maybe you weren't meant to be in my life. That's fine with me. I want good people, loving people, kind people in my life.

P.S I do miss you though. The old you.

P.P.S I also miss you, I wonder why we're not friends anymore. How strange that someone who was once your everything is now nothing to you.

Way down here, it's cold.

I've been so negative about happiness lately. My head has been stuck in the sand. Constantly looking for something that will warm you up inside makes you feel unhappy, tired, and unlucky. I realized that if i just sit down, i mean really just step back for real, and watch the world around me go by something good will come beside me. Sometimes you need to take risks to help you feel something good. I want to take risks.

10,000 miles

I know it may not be such a big deal yet, only stage one, but i can be scared if i want to. Watch over her please, please, please. She means the whole entire world to me.

Deep, deep, deeper.

1.It's just alright, for now. It makes me feel somewhat content.

2.I miss the old you so very much, what happened to the girl who could always put a smile on my face, the girl who made me feel safe in a friendship, where have you gone?

3.Go on go on.... you don't fool anyone you silly little girl. Fake, fake, fake.

Battle Studies

It's so sweet the way you put things. I listened to you and cried on my way home. I can actually say every word you wrote has to do with ME and YOU. I don't know what to do anymore. I wish i could tell you to sit down and listen, but you wouldn't and it would be a waste of time. I stick around because i think in time you'll change, but you won't, that makes my heart break. You do what you do cause you know I'll always care. You're right i will. I haven't gotten to the point where i can be brave and leave. This is heartbreak warfare.

Get your heads on straight.

Just stop your stupid bullshit, both of you. I am so tired of these childish antics you have absolutely no idea. I would never call YOU a friend, and i would never be happy to call YOU mine.

Love for the lonely

I love how a song can make me feel so happy inside, so grateful, so alive. I love that a song can make me forget that i'm tired, helpless, struggling, unmotivated, and lonely. I never realized how dependent i am on music. I'm blessed that i have the ability to listen to some of the most remarkable, heartmelting songs. My ears become so satisfied, i get lost for a little bit. I like it that way. I step into a world where only beautiful voices, melodies, and instruments fills up space. I love how a simple line of a song can relate to a defining moment in your life. How lyrics to your favorite song take words that shape perfectly together. Thank you, thank you for gently lifting off the hurt that has touched my heart.

Internal conflict

We all think we're going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives. -Grey's Anatomy

I'm ready for something unexpected, in a good way of course.

White pot with daisies.

I sat there in the passenger seat of you car, up on Aspen Hills, the only place that is ours. You know my nervous habits, I hate that. I couldn't stop fiddling with my fingers until you got annoyed and held my hands together. You told me to stop being so nervous. I really couldn't help it. I was trying to be strong for the both of us, I think you secretly were too. It felt good to catch up, make small talk while your favorite Beatles songs played in the backround. You had a moment of weakness when the quick breeze blew my perfume towards you, I heard it in your voice after you made a small comment about it, it filled up your head with something you clearly did not want. As for now, I'm just here, and so are you, and maybe in the future it will be we.

It happens because it's suppose to.

Suddenly, a cloud must have cut a hole in my head,
When i was tangled all in your words.
How quick to forget,
We are,
With eyes unimpressed
You're sealing the conversations.
And are you wondering how things could be?
Just staring at the surface,
When all the walls have tendencies.
But it's not your fault when no one taught you how.
And now the one you once loved is leaving.
You're so sure that I'd be just fine here.
But you were surely just taking your own time dear.

It will happen for me.

Fine. Just fine. I'm exhausted with being only fine. I can't wait until the day where somebody asks me how I'm doing and i reply with, "I'm wonderful, things are going great for me." I'm drained, incredibly frail. I cannot stand when you ruin my high points. I was ten feet away from getting in a car crash, thank goodness i didn't. Only, after, i thought what if i did? That is a cowardly thought but, it ran through my head. I sometimes wonder if you would miss me if i wasn't around. All i really want is some comfort. Someone there. Someone brave and comforting, someone...there. I'm scatterbrained. This is far too much for my maturity level. 

Hello?

Life is like a big game of "Telephone." Somebody relays a piece of juicy information which they heard from a friend, who heard from a friend who gossiped about someone they probably don't talk to on a regular basis. I heard about someone's personal situation the other day, i was the sixth person to have the messaged passed to. People like to know about other people's business. I in fact am guilty of this but to a certain extent. So is everybody else in the world. Nobody is perfect, no matter how much you think your fake exterior is working. Why are people so obsessed with other people's lives? It's because people are bored with their own lives, jealous of another person, hurt by another person. Talking about someone makes them feel more important, people talk bad about someone just to get a good laugh out from their friends, or talking about someone cause they took away something you truly cared about. No matter what your reasoning is, if you hear something insignificant about someone, what is the point of telling another body. You aren't getting anything out of it but, creating a person you know isn't you. I am going to try and keep things i hear to myself, i wouldn't want to be the person whose personal situations are getting passed around through a giant telephone.

A different smile.

You're shy and sweet and you make me nervous. You're not flashy. You don't crave the attention to be on you at all times. You're quiet and held back, it's exactly what i need.

Brittle little bones.

I can't stand you. I can't stand you. I can't stand you. I can't stand hearing your name. I just can't stand you. I can't stand how you lie. I can't stand you. I can't stand you. I can't stand your inconsistancy. I simply can't stand you.

I'm spiraling. I'm dizzy. I can't find any balance in my feet.

Crossing the line.

For some outlandish reason, i'm not so fond of you anymore. You're a changed person whether you think so or not. I'm not the only person who sees through that exterior of yours. But the sad thing is, i think your interior is just the same. Not everything is about you. I truely hope you come to your senses and realize that soon.

A change in our motions.

I'm something plain. Unremarkable. I used to be this burning flame, I was so much a person to you. You've carelessly blown me out. Despite things I've told you like, "No matter what happens, I'll always be there" and, "When nobody is by your side, I'll still be there." I don't think I mean that anymore. And to my surprise, I don't feel guilty. I'm sorry for the sad little person you are and, i'm happy for me. For once in a really long time, i feel good, really good. You can keep the love and kindness i've given you but, you can't have anymore.

We are all afraid to talk about what stares at us from the dark.- Wintergirls.

Muffin maybe, this world is going crazy.

I'm going to hang my moon in my sky on my time. Just wait for it.

Fate can only take you so far.

I think i've made up my mind. I need myself a clean slate from you. I feel like i should be upset when in reality, that heavy weight you've placed on my everything has been simply lifted off. We have been dragging "this" for far too long, and it's time for me to be. You've anchored me down and i've been pulling OUR weight for three years. My time and energy has run dry and i'm going to finally accept that fate can only take you so far. I'm done with wishful thinking. We will never see eye to eye and it's finally time for you to step off your high horse.

I fall flat on my face.

Why is it that when we talk everything comes down to me being the better person, the understanding one, the unselfish one, the one who makes the right decisions, the one who will stand by you when no one else will. Yet when you wrong, i still, not wanting to, fall in. It's the type of fall where you don't know if there will be something on the bottom to catch you. I've always been the, well, "catcher." This time, whenever it is, want to be catched. I'm not a needy person but i like the reassurance. I would like to be told that everything will be okay. That i shouldn't be afraid to give in. That no matter what mistakes i make, i'll still be there. I've heard it all before, but i want to hear the promising voice behind the words. Someone who can tell me that i have no reason to hesitate.

I'm happy you've found the words.

You've been waiting for the day where the words would come out right, and you could finally explain what's been weighing down on that sinking heart. I'm especially happy just because we think the same and, i didn't have the brain to make the words come out right. It was a relief. So, thank you.

Hot fever.

My trip to San Francisco was bitter sweet. I'll be seeing you soon Jake. My brother told me that it was my kind of city and, he was right. Getting sick on my trip was lovely too. I feel useless. I couldn't stop thinking about the drunk conversation you had with my brother on my front porch. I was shaking with anxious nerves. Now, I'm laying on my couch with a fever. Fantastic.

Things will get better.

I hope that in the near future, your soon to be eighteen year old ass will grow up. Yeah, it sounds harsh, but i'm tired of this. I'm tired of you playing the victim card. And i'm especially tired of you being the sneaky little person i know you've always been. Thank you so much for all this time i've wasted, thank you for so much for saying things you clearly did not mean, and thank you for showing me it takes a person with a lot of balls to do the shitty things you've done to me. 

I will not, not, not, cave into you.

Garden State.

Goodluck exploring the infinite abyss.