Mover and Shaker.

I am half the eye of the morning.
I am suppose to be able to overcome fear with great strength and courage.
I cannot. How is it that i am the one that can rally up the folks against insurmountable odds, when i in fact would rather sleep then see the dawning of a new day.
Inside me is some kind of remarkable inner strength, i do not have it. I should be a bright red, a brilliant color, instead i feel consumed by something dark. I am not afraid, fearless, i will not accept defeat, but i have been defeated by the sickness in my mind. I am optimistic, i am not though, not anymore. My element is fire, i feel like air, invisible, a roller coaster of hot and cold, fast and slow. I need fixing, i need it now.

Treat this sickness

It's ruining me, i need help.

Gutter Girl

Tossed away on the side of the street in the murky, dirty water. Crumpled trash on the side of the freeway, caught in the dried, crunchy leaves of an old bush. I feel like i could be in these places, and not be noticed. I need my hand held, no matter how much i say i am fine on my own. You just can't rely on anyone. Old friends, new friends, old loves, new likes. It feels to me that no one is capable of being a good person. No matter how good their exterior seems. Don't become dependent on anyone, they leave, they lie, they don't care. So, sorry to the next person who tries to love me, because i just won't let you. The next person who tries to like me, don't, there is no point. The next person who tries to befriend me, good fucking luck. I am just to numb to feel anything.

I'm happy as a clam

Nobody knows me at all.

Everything in it's right place

It feels completely surreal, being so happy. Me,being so happy, how new, how strange. And it feels so good, so refreshing you are. I want to jump right into whatever we have in store for us.

Wild Card

You say you have the upper hand, i guess in some unfortunate way you do. That small, musky bathroom with poor lighting was the last place I thought i'd be alone with you. It was uncomfortable, and me being intoxicated, always makes things worse. Always stupid around you, always saying stupid things i wish i never said. Stupid things that make you feel more powerful or some twisted bullshit. Of course being me, "complex" me, says the right things and the right time, my eyes wander to some random Uno card lying on the dirty bathroom floor. Squinting, it reads Wild Card. Eyes slowly meeting yours, i say, "you are my wild card." Fuckkk. I lost the battle.

Headache. -_-

God dammit i miss you so much.